Why Do I Never Feel “Good Enough”?

You accomplish something—and almost immediately think about what you could have done better.

Someone compliments you, but you have trouble believing them.

You compare yourself to other people and somehow always seem to come up short.

If this sounds familiar, the problem may not be that you need to accomplish more. The problem may be that you've learned to measure your worth by things that constantly change.

Appearance. Achievement. Productivity. Other people's approval. Being a good parent or partner. Having the right career. Keeping everyone happy.

When your sense of worth depends heavily on these things, feeling “good enough” becomes a moving target.

One exercise I sometimes use in therapy is to imagine your self-worth as a pie chart. How much of that pie is determined by appearance? Career success? Relationships? Other people's opinions?

Then consider what may be missing.

Maybe you're also a loyal friend, a caring parent, someone who makes people laugh, a person who values honesty, someone who loves being outdoors, or someone who shows up when other people need you.

Those parts of you count, too.

Building confidence isn't about convincing yourself that you're wonderful every moment of every day. It's about developing a broader and more stable understanding of who you are—one that isn't dependent upon being perfect.

Therapy can help you understand where the “I'm not good enough” story came from and, more importantly, begin deciding whether you want it to continue running your life.

I work with teens and adults experiencing anxiety, perfectionism, negative self-talk, body image concerns, and low self-esteem in Overland Park and throughout Kansas via telehealth.