When Your Teen Says “I'm Fine”—But You Know Something Isn't Right

Teenagers don't always tell their parents when they're struggling. Sometimes they don't know how to explain what they're feeling. Other times, they worry their parents won't understand—or that talking about it will make things worse.

As a parent, you may simply have a feeling that something has changed.

Your teen may be spending more time alone, becoming increasingly irritable, worrying excessively about school or friendships, losing interest in things they once enjoyed, or becoming much more critical of themselves.

So how do you start a conversation without making your teenager shut down?

Instead of immediately trying to solve the problem, begin with curiosity.

You might say:

“I've noticed you haven't seemed quite like yourself lately. I'm not here to lecture you or fix anything. I just want to know how you're doing.”

Then give them room to answer.

One of the hardest things for parents is resisting the urge to immediately give advice. Sometimes a teenager needs to feel understood before they're willing to consider solutions.

You can also ask more specific questions. “How are things?” is easy to answer with “fine.” Instead, try asking what has been most stressful lately, how things are going with friends, or what they wish adults understood about their life right now.

And if your teenager won't talk to you, that doesn't necessarily mean they don't want help. Sometimes talking with a therapist feels easier because the teen doesn't have to worry about disappointing or upsetting someone they love.

Therapy can give teens a place to better understand what they're feeling, develop practical ways to manage anxiety and difficult emotions, and build confidence in themselves.

WholeSelf Psychotherapy & Wellness offers therapy for teens experiencing anxiety, depression, self-esteem concerns, school pressure, and other challenges in Overland Park, KS.